John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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