Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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