How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
