My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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