I'm going to jail i love you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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