Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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