2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
