A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
