Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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