I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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