Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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