Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
