He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
