I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
