the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
