i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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