He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
