its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
