from now on my penis is your penis
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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