He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
