Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
