this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My cat gives me a boner
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
