The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just invented taco cereal.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
