My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
