i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
