when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
