Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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