Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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