Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
