I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
