So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
