well I can't set my house on fire every night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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