I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
