ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize