Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
