Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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