I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
