I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
