FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just cropdusted the office
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
