god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
