You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
