I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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