at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
