I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
