You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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