Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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