I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
