I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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