Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
