I just saw a hot homeless man
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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