Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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