did you get engaged???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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