i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
