I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
