Having a random hookup so left but love u
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
