wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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