He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
