I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize