is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
