Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.

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(661): View more from California

His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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(410): View more from Maryland

So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

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(520): View more from Arizona

Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?

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(562): View more from California

You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls

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