you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All the doctor said was why
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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