i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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