it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
