so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
too bad you live with your parents still
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
