isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
