I accidentally had phone sex last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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