Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
