this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
