It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
