if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
