When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
