i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
