I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
