my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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