All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize