I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
