Just fell off a train. Bad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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