The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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