there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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