Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
