You made me cry and you don't even care
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
