Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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