Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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