I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
