I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
