I cannot find my penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
