Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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