I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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