Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
