i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
