don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
