my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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