So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
