I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
