I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize