So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All the doctor said was why
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
