My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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