You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
