Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
