I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The air was thick with penises
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
