Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
