Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
