bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
