So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
