I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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