so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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