ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
