I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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