If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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