I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
