I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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